What Patients Deserve to Know About Doctor Sexual Assault

“In 1998, Dr. James Heaps, a gynecological oncologist at UCLA sexually assaulted me. He irreparably harmed my body; sent the nurse out of the room to “examine” me; made sexually harassing comments about my facial features and body parts; used unnecessary instruments to “examine” me; touched my inner thighs and forced them open without gloves. There is more but I flash in and out of being able to share about it.

The tricky part of medical sexual assault is that doctors are perhaps the most trusted humans next to clergy in this country, and I doubted his wrongdoing at first. I trusted that he had to do what he did, even though I felt creeped out, devastated and almost immediately dissociated from the extreme nature of the abuse. I questioned myself and what had just happened, thinking something must be wrong with me, that I caused him to prey on me. This is the same thread that ran in my life when my father abused me, and it is part of a trauma response to deplorable behavior. Predatory behavior is horrendously confusing.

Within a short period of time, I reported his predatory actions to the California Medical Board and UCLA. Both disregarded my concerns and were complicit in Heaps abusing hundreds (possibly thousands) of women. Two decades later, other survivors spoke out. I came forward with all of the documentation that I’d filed when I was assaulted. It’s possible that I was the first patient to file a formal complaint against the doctor and UCLA. 

After decades of healing, I accepted the invitation to be one of the lead plaintiffs in a landmark case against Heaps and UCLA. I had the honor of addressing the California Senate and Judiciary Committee, advocating to lift the statute of limitations for survivors and spoke at press conferences and on news outlets.

I am an incest survivor. I spoke out against my father, who molested me throughout my childhood. In 1998, when I was 18 years old, I had flashbacks of what he did to me. I spoke about it with my family; there was a deep lack of support but I continued to speak out and seek trauma-informed help. This ties into being abused by a gynecological oncologist, as I put all of my energy and attention into healing from my father’s predatory behavior only to be assaulted by the doctor after years of dedication to healing the aftereffects of trauma.”

She ended the interview with Helping Survivors answering the question: ‘What hopeful message would you give to survivors? How do they seek justice and healing?’ with the following message.

“Healing is deeply personal and unique to every survivor, but the following have been vital to my healing processes that span over three decades:

• Say it aloud. Speak it. You don’t have to shout from the mountaintops unless you’re moved to do that, but if at all possible, talk about the assault with one person whom you trust. Saying the words aloud can feel terrifying and disorienting, but it is empowering and can be the first step to other forms of healing.
• Find a professional or more who can support your healing. Individual talk therapy, EMDR, somatic therapy, fascia/bodywork, massage, dance, writing, painting and other forms of art therapy, finding a hobby that you love, physical activity, rest/sleeping all play a part in my healing. Finding what works is an exploratory adventure that builds on itself and positively affects so many areas of life – beyond the trauma.
• If it moves you, become and advocate and activist. Speak at rallies, volunteer to tell your story, connect with other survivors in groups to share in collective healing. 
• Be honest about the abuse. Saying it over and over helped to confirm what happened to me – it is so easy to fall back into self doubt as a trauma survivor. Keep sharing. 

It is absolutely possible to live a life beyond the intense anxiety, depression, shame, self-doubt, self-destructive patterns and habits and move into a life of deep self value, honest expression, enjoyable sexuality and authentic, deep empowerment.”

Today, Julie speaks publicly about surviving sexual assault, and facilitates one-on-one & group expressive writing workshops. More information on her work can be found here.